Marriage is for life

Following are a collection of verses that seek to demonstrate that the whole tenor of the scriptures from imitating God to covenants to vows to the explicit divorce teachings supports the idea marriage is always binding until death. 

1. Christians are required to imitate God

1.1. Be like God

Mat 5:48 NKJV  Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.   

1Pe 1:15-16 NKJV  but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct,  (16)  because it is written, “BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.”

Lev 11:44 NKJV  For I am the LORD your God. You shall therefore consecrate yourselves, and you shall be holy; for I am holy. Neither shall you defile yourselves with any creeping thing that creeps on the earth.

1.2. God was ‘married’ to Israel and will be ‘married’ to the church

Jer 3:14 NKJV  “Return, O backsliding children,” says the LORD; “for I am married to you. I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion.

Eph 5:31-32 NKJV  “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.”  (32)  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

1.3. Israel committed adultery against God

Jer 3:8 NKJV  Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery…

Jer 3:20 NKJV  Surely, as a wife treacherously departs from her husband, So have you dealt treacherously with Me, O house of Israel,” says the LORD.

Jer 3:20 CEV  But instead, you are like a wife who broke her wedding vows. You have been unfaithful to me. I, the LORD, have spoken.

1.4. God does not discard his unfaithful wife but calls her to return

Jer 3:7 NKJV  And I said, after she had done all these things, ‘Return to Me.’ But she did not return. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it.

Jer 3:14 NKJV  “Return, O backsliding children,” says the LORD; “for I am married to you. I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion.

Jer 3:22 NKJV  “Return, you backsliding children, And I will heal your backslidings.” “Indeed we do come to You, For You are the LORD our God.

1.5. God waits for His unfaithful wife to return

Rom 10:21 KJVA  But to Israel he saith, All day long I have stretched forth my hands unto a disobedient and gainsaying people.

1.6. God remains faithful even when we are unfaithful.  He cannot break His word.

2Ti 2:11-13 NKJV  This is a faithful saying: For if we died with Him, We shall also live with Him.  (12)  If we endure, We shall also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He also will deny us.  (13)  If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.

Heb 6:13 NKJV  For when God made a promise to Abraham, because He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself,

1.7. God does not take another wife

There is only one covenant people in the Old Testament.  God did not make another covenant until Christ died.

1.8. God takes his unfaithful wife back

Hos 3:1-5 NKJV  Then the LORD said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the LORD for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagans.”  (2)  So I bought her for myself for fifteen shekels of silver, and one and one-half homers of barley.  (3)  And I said to her, “You shall stay with me many days; you shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man—so, too, will I be toward you.”  (4)  For the children of Israel shall abide many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or sacred pillar, without ephod or teraphim.  (5)  Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the LORD their God and David their king. They shall fear the LORD and His goodness in the latter days.

The whole story of Hosea is intended to show how God responds to an unfaithful spouse.  He does not divorce Israel so he can take another people.  He calls her to return and then takes her back when she does.

1.9. But didn’t God give Israel a ‘bill of divorce’?

Jer 3:8 NKJV  Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also.

Hos 2:2 NKJV  “Bring charges against your mother, bring charges; For she is not My wife, nor am I her Husband! Let her put away her harlotries from her sight, And her adulteries from between her breasts;

It is important that these passages are read in their larger context.  Immediately after *both* passages the Lord declares that he is still married to Israel (Jer 3.14) and still loves unfaithful Israel and takes her back as His spouse (Hos 3.1)

The explanation for this reference to ‘divorce’ by God is simple.  Firstly, it shows that divorce, in the face of extreme unfaithfulness  is a perfectly reasonable course of action to take.  However, it also shows that, even though divorce had taken place, still God was married to them (v14).  And even though God treated them as ‘not my wife’, still he loved them and took them back as His wife when they repented.

So this reference to divorce is in ways sanctioning ‘divorce with intent to remarry’.  Indeed, this passage fits perfectly with Jesus injunction that divorcing and remarrying means adultery occurs.  This God did not do.

2. Covenants

2.1. Covenants cannot be annulled except by death

Gal 3:15 NKJV  Brethren, I speak in the manner of men: Though it is only a man’s covenant, yet if it is confirmed, no one annuls or adds to it.

Gal 3:15 ESV  To give a human example, brothers: even with a man-made covenant, no one annuls it or adds to it once it has been ratified.

Heb 9:16-18 NKJV  For where there is a testament[1], there must also of necessity be the death of the testator.  (17)  For a testament is in force after men are dead, since it has no power at all while the testator lives.  (18)  Therefore not even the first covenant was dedicated without blood.

2.2. Marriage is a covenant

Mal 2:14 NKJV  Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant.

2.3. Marriage is until ‘death parts us’

Rom 7:2 NKJV  For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband.

1Co 7:39 NKJV  A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

2.4. Covenants can be ‘broken’

Eze 17:19 NKJV  Therefore thus says the Lord GOD: “As I live, surely My oath which he despised, and My covenant which he broke, I will recompense on his own head.

2.5. Israel broke God’s covenant (the Old Covenant) repeatedly

Jer 31:31-32 NKJV  “Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah— (32)  not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD.

2.6. Israel breaking God’s covenant did not terminate or end the covenant

Lev 26:15-16 NKJV  and if you despise My statutes, or if your soul abhors My judgments, so that you do not perform all My commandments, but break My covenant,  (16)  I also will do this to you: I will even appoint terror over you, wasting disease … (40) ‘But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers, with their unfaithfulness in which they were unfaithful to Me, and that they also have walked contrary to Me,  … (42)  then I will remember My covenant with Jacob, and My covenant with Isaac and My covenant with Abraham I will remember; I will remember the land. 

In this example, God was not remembering a ‘new’ covenant but the original covenant which Israel had ‘broken’.  This clearly indicates that even though a covenant is broken it is not annulled.  Many more examples like this can be given.

This is a key issue in understanding covenants.  Although Israel repeatedly and grossly violated their covenant with God, the covenant itself remained intact.  Their unfaithfulness did not terminate the covenant.  Israel came under the curses of the covenant.  But the covenant remained.  Indeed, the prophets repeatedly called Israel to return to their covenant obligations.  This confirms that the covenant did not end when Israel ‘broke’ the covenant.

In the same way that a law is broken, a covenant can be broken.  But as the law which was broken still exists, so the broken covenant continues to exist.

This fact is borne out by the entire Old Testament.  God made a covenant (the Old Covenant) with Israel when they came out of Egypt.  This covenant they repeatedly and grossly broke.  However the Old Covenant remained intact until Jesus death when it was replaced with the New Covenant.

2.7. Even though Israel repeatedly ‘breaks’ the covenant they have with God, God does not break the covenant He has with them

Lev 26:15 NKJV  and if you despise My statutes, or if your soul abhors My judgments, so that you do not perform all My commandments, but break My covenant,  …   (44)  Yet for all that, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not cast them away, nor shall I abhor them, to utterly destroy them and break My covenant with them; for I am the LORD their God.  (45)  But for their sake I will remember the covenant of their ancestors, whom I brought out of the land of Egypt in the sight of the nations, that I might be their God: I am the LORD.’ “

This shows the one-way nature of the covenant.  That is, there is an obligation on each party to keep the covenant regardless of what the other party does.

2.8. God’s old covenant ended.  This happened when one of the covenanting parties (Jesus) died

Heb 7:18 NKJV  For on the one hand there is an annulling of the former commandment (covenant) because of its weakness and unprofitableness,

Heb 8:13 NKJV  In that He says, “A NEW COVENANT,” He has made the first obsolete. Now what is becoming obsolete and growing old is ready to vanish away.

1Co 11:25 NKJV  In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.”

Heb 9:15 NKJV  And for this reason He is the Mediator of the new covenant, by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions under the first covenant, that those who are called may receive the promise of the eternal inheritance.

The following passage is the only instance where God is said to break His covenant.  Note its connection with the death of Jesus.

Zec 11:10-13 NKJV  And I took my staff, Beauty, and cut it in two, that I might break the covenant which I had made with all the peoples.  (11)  So it was broken on that day. Thus the poor of the flock, who were watching me, knew that it was the word of the LORD.  (12)  Then I said to them, “If it is agreeable to you, give me my wages; and if not, refrain.” So they weighed out for my wages thirty pieces of silver.[2]  (13)  And the LORD said to me, “Throw it to the potter“—that princely price they set on me. So I took the thirty pieces of silver and threw them into the house of the LORD for the potter.

2.9. The covenant between God and Israel is likened to a marriage

Jer 31:31-32 NKJV  “Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah— (32)  not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD.

Jer 2:2 NKJV  “Go and cry in the hearing of Jerusalem, saying, ‘Thus says the LORD: “I remember you, The kindness of your youth, The love of your betrothal, When you went after Me in the wilderness, In a land not sown.

2.10. A breaking of the marriage covenant through unfaithfulness does not end the marriage covenant

Luk 16:18 NKJV  “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

First, note that the man has divorced, remarried and so, in Jesus words, has committed adultery.  However, even though this man has committed adultery, if the divorced wife remarries she also commits adultery. 

This is a clear indication that the marriage covenant (in this instance at least) is not terminated through either adultery or divorce.

3. Vows

A vow is a solemn promise made to God to perform or to abstain from performing a certain thing.

In most wedding ceremonies we exchange vows with God, family and friends as witnesses. 

We say “I promise before God and these witnesses to take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part.” 

In so doing we explicitly state that we will be faithful regardless of what happens.  It is a one way promise with no conditions.  In this it reflects the true nature of a covenant.  It is not a contract where one party will keep is part if the other party keeps theirs.  It is a covenant where one party commits his life to the other without any conditions.  No matter how ‘worse’ things become we promise to remain faithful until death.

3.1.  Vows must be kept

Num 30:2 NKJV  If a man makes a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.

Deu 23:21 NKJV  “When you make a vow to the LORD your God, you shall not delay to pay it; for the LORD your God will surely require it of you, and it would be sin to you.

Ecc 5:4-5 NKJV  When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed— (5)  Better not to vow than to vow and not pay.

4. Divorce

4.1. Divorce is opposed by God

Mal 2:16 NKJV  “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

4.2. Divorce was legislated by Moses in the same way that rape was legislated

Compare the structure of the following two verses. 

1. IF a man rapes/divorces a woman
2. THEN such and such a course of action must follow

God certainly does not condone rape.  Likewise, there is no reason to assume that the following passage shows that God condones divorce.

Deu 22:28-29 NKJV  “If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out,  (29)  then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days.

Deu 24:1-4 NKJV  “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house,  (2)  when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife,  (3)  if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife,  (4)  then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.

4.3. Divorce was permitted by Moses for hard hearts.  Christians have been given soft hearts when they are born-again

Mat 19:8 NKJV  He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, …

Eze 36:26 NKJV  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

4.4. Divorce was not permitted before Moses

Mat 19:8 NKJV  He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

4.5. Divorce is not permitted by Paul[3]

1Co 7:10 NKJV  Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.

1Co 7:12 NKJV  But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.

4.6. Divorce is not permitted by Jesus

Mat 19:4-6 NKJV  And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,’[4]  (5)  and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’ ?  (6)  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.“

4.7.  Divorce is permitted in the case of ‘fornication’

Mat 5:32 KJVR  But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Mat 19:9 KJVR  And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

First, fornication can mean all forms of sexual immorality.  However its general meaning seems to be sexual relations with someone who is unmarried.

It Matthew 15.19 it does not mean adultery since adultery is explicitly mentioned.

Mat 15:19 KJVA  For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:

In John 8.41 it cannot mean adultery nor any other sexual perversion except for sexual intercourse with someone who is not married.  In this case, the Jews were assuming that Jesus was conceived through the premarital union of Joseph and Mary.

Joh 8:41 KJVA  Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God.

Second, Matthew gives the account in the first chapter of Joseph ‘divorcing’ Mary even though they had not yet been married.  This is a custom peculiar to the Jews in that an engaged couple needed to go through a formal divorce process to end that engagement.  However Matthew declares Joseph’s actions of divorce in this instance to be ‘just’.

Mat 1:19 ESV  And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.

So, it seems fair to assume that the ‘fornication’ mentioned in Matthew 5 and 19 which provide grounds for divorce is to cater for this Jewish scenario where a man may wish to divorce his ‘wife’ before the wedding ceremony had been performed.

This position is further supported by the Gospel of Mark and Luke and the letter to the Corinthians.  All these documents are written to Gentile audiences who do not have this particular marriage custom.  Thus, this divorce provision is not relevant to Gentiles and so one might expect that this ‘divorce exception’ would be excluded.  This is exactly what we find.

4.8. Divorce is permitted for abandonment

1Co 7:15 NKJV  But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

A Christian is not allowed to divorce an unbelieving spouse (vv13).  However if an unbelieving spouse divorces a believing partner then the believing spouse is ‘not under bondage’.

This Greek phrase is different to ‘not bound’ to a wife.  Indeed the Greek ‘not under bondage’ is never used in relation to a marriage covenant.   The English Standard Version conveys the meaning more accurately

1Co 7:15 ESV  But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

So what did the author intend by this phrase?  A case can be made that Paul intended that the abandoned spouse is not obligated or bound to chase after that the unbelieving partner.  The believer was free to let the unbeliever depart and was not expected to seek reconciliation as was required for the believer in verse 11.

Of course, this verse says nothing of the abandoned spouse’s freedom to remarry.   That is covered by the general command at the end of the chapter:

1Co 7:39 ESV  A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

5. Remarriage

5.1. A Christian who divorces their Christian spouse is not permitted to remarry.   They must remain single or be reconciled

1Co 7:10-11 NKJV  Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.  (11)  But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 

5.2. A person who remarries while their spouse lives commits adultery

Rom 7:2-3 NKJV  For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband.  (3)  So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

Mar 10:11-12 NKJV  So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.  (12)  And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Luk 16:18 NKJV  “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

5.3. Some unlawful remarriages had to be terminated

Ezr 10:2-4 ESV  And Shecaniah the son of Jehiel, of the sons of Elam, addressed Ezra: “We have broken faith with our God and have married foreign women from the peoples of the land, but even now there is hope for Israel in spite of this.  (3)  Therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all these wives and their children, according to the counsel of my lord and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God, and let it be done according to the Law.  (4)  Arise, for it is your task, and we are with you; be strong and do it.” … 44 All these had married foreign women, and some of the women had even borne children.

Mar 6:17-18 NKJV  For Herod himself had sent and laid hold of John, and bound him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife; for he had married her.  (18)  Because John had said to Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.”

[1] The word ‘testament’ is translated ‘covenant’ 20 times and ‘testament’ 13 times

[2] Mat 26:15 NKJV  and said, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver Him to you?” And they counted out to him thirty pieces of silver.

[3] Note that even though Paul was writing to a church that seemed gripped by immorality, he did not say that adultery was grounds for divorce.  This is all the more surprising because he is restating what Jesus said.

[4] Adam and Eve were ‘one flesh’ since Eve was taken out of Adam.  It is a natural impossibility for Adam to separate himself from Eve so that they were no longer one flesh since Eve was taken from Adam’s very body.  God makes a married couple become ‘one flesh’ (v6).  So it seems impossible for a human (through divorce or any other act) to separate that one flesh relationship.